Missing her
by saphire dancer
Summary: Steve misses her so much it hurts.  One shot...


**_**I got this idea today, and I had to write it. I lost my own mom just this past August. I cried almost the whole time I was writing this, so if it is a little rough in places, please forgive me. Alot of the things "Steve" misses are actually things I miss about my mom. Today, being Mother's Day, had been hard for me. Writing this story helped. I hope you like it! Reviews are always appreciated. Thanks and love to you all! ~Rachael "Saphire Dancer" :)_**

Steve missed her. He missed her touch, her smile, the way she laughed at his stupid jokes. He missed the way she always made him feel better if he was down. He even missed the way she did laundry. He knew it was ridiculous for him to miss that, but when he did the laundry, it never quite smelled as nice or as fresh, and it never felt as soft.

He stood in the cemetery, looking down at the headstone. He squatted down and traced the name engraved on it, Mary Ann McGarrett.

He missed his mom so much it hurt. He shouldn't hurt this much still. But he did. Even though he was this big, tough, former Navy SEAL, he still felt the tears come to his eyes and the pain in his heart. It felt as if it was just yesterday that he answered the door and saw the police officer standing there. He had known as soon as he saw him. He didn't cry then. He waited until he was alone, in his room. He didn't cry at the funeral eitherl. He just held his sister while she cried. Steve had felt that he needed to be strong for Mary. She was so young, and his dad was so lost in his own grief to notice theirs.

Steve felt the tears start to slide down his cheeks.

"Hi Mom" he whispered, putting a hand on the headstone.

He sat down and looked across the cemetery. There was a pond and trees, it was definitely a place his mom would have loved. It was so peaceful, so serene.

He sat and just thought about all the things he loved and missed about her. He chuckled as he thought of the Christmas when they had Chinese take-out for dinner, all because of a little oven fire and a very burned turkey. He remembered how she would "ooh" and "ah" over what ever gift either one of the kids would give her. Even if it was only a ring that he had won out of crane machine. She proudly wore that ring, green finger and all.

He thought about the time she came and picked him up from the principal's office at school. He was 12 and he had gotten into a fight, and was suspended for the next three days. She took it all in stride. She decided to enroll him in karate. She had told him he needed somewhere to get out all that pent up frustration at being a teenager. He didn't understand at the time what she meant, but he did now.

He remembered how she was always at all of his school functions, whether it was a PTA meeting or a basketball game, she was there. He also remembered the looks of pity and sadness he got after she was killed. Not only from the other students, but from the teachers, and other parents as well. He hated those looks.

"I miss you Mom" he said quietly as another tear fell down his cheek.

He suddenly tensed as he felt someone behind him. He slowly reached for his sidearm, and took it out of its holster.

"Easy there Rambo" he heard Danny say.

Steve turned and faced the detective.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, replacing his gun to its holster.

"I thought maybe you could use a friend" Danny told him sincerely.

Danny sat down beside Steve. He didn't say anything, he just sat there, letting Steve know he was there for him if he needed him.

Steve was quiet for a while. When he finally spoke, he didn't look at Danny, he just stared blankly at the headstone in front of him.

"I miss her so much Danny. I never thought I would still feel this way 18 years later."

Danny put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it.

"I won't tell you I know how you feel, because I don't. I guess that's why I am here. I knew today would be hard on you, so I figured you could use some company" Danny said.

Steve looked at his friend, his partner with tears in his eyes, and the evidence of tears already shed on his cheeks.

"Thanks."

Danny nodded as Steve looked away.

Danny glanced at Steve and noticed his shoulders hunched over and shaking.

Steve was crying!

Danny put his arms around the bigger man and just held him while he cried. Danny had tears in his own eyes thinking about his mom back in Jersey.

"Hey, shh, it's ok Steve" Danny whispered.

"I'm sorry" Steve said, suddenly pulling away from Danny.

He swiped at his eyes, trying to clear them of the tears.

"Look at me Steve" Danny said gently.

Steve, face red from embarrassment or crying or both, looked over at Danny.

"There is nothing, and I repeat _nothing_ for you to be sorry about. I understand, and I'm not going to bust your balls about it. Hey us men need a release every now and then too."

Steve looked at Danny amazed.

"When did you become so wise, Danno?"

"Eh, you learn things over the years."

Steve just smiled and shook his head.

"I am sure you have never cried in your entire adult life" he said a bit sarcastically.

Danny looked at Steve with a very serious look.

"That's where you're wrong Steve. I have cried, more than I would like to admit, but I have. I cried like a baby when Grace was born. I cried after Rachel left me for almost a solid week. I will deny it if you ever tell anyone that, but it's true."

Steve looked at his friend.

"Don't worry Danno. Your secrets are safe with me" he said putting a hand on Danny's shoulder.

"Thanks man"

After a few moments of silence, Steve spoke up.

"You want to come over for some beers?"

"Sure, sounds good" Danny answered getting to his feet.

Before Steve stood up he put his hand to his mouth and kissed his fingers. He then put his hand on his mother's headstone.

"Bye Mom. I love you and miss you. Happy Mother's Day."


End file.
